Don't you hate it when you can't control people?
It's evidently in our nature
I’ve increasingly been pondering why it is in our nature to want to control people.
The Bible is my source of wisdom, so I ponder this as I read it. I’m concluding that, like many “why” questions, this one is unanswerable. Why is the sky blue? I don’t know. It just is. Why do we like to control other people? I don’t know. We just do.
Now ponder a reverse scenario: don’t we hate it when people try to control us? Why? I don’t know. We just do.
We’re left in a no-win situation. We like to control other people, but people don’t like to be controlled. What are we to do? Because we really like to control people!
My friend’s teenager has reasoned this out well. He has declared himself an atheist. He told his parents that if there is no God, they have no authority over him. He has no idea how brilliant this analysis is. He’s likely uncovered one of the primary reasons people reject God. They don’t want anyone, especially Him, to have authority over them.
Without an ultimate authority, however, we are left adrift with this problem of being unable to control people and, leaving sarcasm aside, no standard to appeal to for moral or correct behavior. If there is no God, how do we determine right and wrong?
As I’ve analyzed difficult human relationships of late and looked for wisdom in the Word of God, I increasingly realize how the stories of the Bible are like looking in the mirror. I came across this gem today from the story of Lot and the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Lot is trying to protect the guests under his roof (who happen to be angels, but he doesn’t know that) from the men of Sodom who are demanding to have relations with them. When Lot pleads, “Please, my brothers, do not act wickedly,” they respond, “This one came in as an alien, and already he is acting like a judge; now we will treat you worse than them” (Genesis 19:7,9).
How often, when we have an opinion about another’s behavior, do we hear, “don’t judge me!” James 4:12 says, “There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor?” Verses admonishing us not to judge others are used, even by non-Christians, to justify all manner of behavior. Justification of all manner of behavior fails to recognize that there is a Lawgiver and Judge, and none of us will escape ultimate judgment by Him.
I’m being more and more convicted that my opinion about people’s right or wrong behavior is completely unhelpful. There are areas where I have and can exercise appropriate authority over others. These areas are limited, however. Mostly I’m stuck, like the rest of you, with human beings that frustrate me with their inability to see my viewpoint. The solution I’m realizing? Appeal to the One Authority that matters. Billy Graham was famous for, “the Bible says….” God is our authority. I’m trying to become more faithful at pointing people to Him and His Word.
Control and power -- are they the same? People seem to equate both power and freedom with money: The more you have, the more you have. I have a psychologist friend who won't "tell" people anything; rather, she asks questions that lead the client to arrive at the conclusion she reached in about 5 minutes. I asked her why she doesn't just cut to the chase and tell people what their problem is and what to do about it. She said: "I don't want to control people. I'm not God. I could be wrong, or something else could happen that requires a different approach. When there's a bad outcome, I'd get blamed. People have to be responsible for their own choices. They're living their lives, not mine. They should be pleased with themselves, not trying to please me." That, in a nutshell, is why I avoid telling people what to do, even when it seems obvious what they must do. If I've made bad choices in my life (I have, trust me), isn't it worse to let another person "benefit" from what may be bad judgment? Do we really want their lives in our hands?
I really like what you've said about judgment. I think when we try to convict a person of his sin and tell him what to do or what to quit doing, we are usurping the role of the Holy Spirit and thereby depriving that person of a closer relationship with God.
Romans 14:4, NLT: "Who are you to condemn someone else's servants? Their own master will judge whether they stand or fall. And with the Lord's help, they will stand and receive his approval."
John 16:7-11 (NLT) When the Holy Spirit comes, He will convict us of sin, righteousness and judgment . . . ."
Yes. More of Him, less of me is where I am trying to land